Been forever again!!!!
So, yesterday I watched my nieces little girl for a few hours. As I watched B play, my thoughts turned to our birth parents. It hit me that B is the same age that Ava was when we began our adoption journey with her. Because Ava lived with her birth mom, M, from birth, this will be mostly about her. M got to see so many of the "firsts" with her. Now, I'm not upset with that, I am so grateful that they had that time together, but I do get sad that I missed out on that stuff. I couldn't imagine, as I watched B & Ava play, how difficult the decision was for M to make an adoption plan. My heart breaks when I think about it. I remember when M left. I stood in the kitchen holding Paul & Ava & crying. I was crying for her pain & for our joy. I couldn't believe how something that gives us so much joy, could cause me so much pain! I know I can never fully know what she felt or thought. I hope someday we can sit down & talk more about it. I sometimes feel like a bad adoptive mom because I haven't sent letters & pictures like I should. I hope they know it's not intentional. I guess I need to put it on my calendar as a reminder. I hope they both know how forever grateful Paul & I are that they entrusted us with this wonderful little girl that we love so much. We love them both for that gift.
We started ECFE this fall. At first, I wasn't too impressed with it but after talking with some friends, I changed my expectations. We love it now! Ava & I get to play & do awesome art projects. We decided that since we have our birth parents in our life, we could share the artwork with them! Sorry M & D, now you know what you will be getting!!!! It has been neat to see how she is interacting with other kids her age. At this age, they seem to play next to each other versus with each other.
We took Ava to Disney world in June. It was SO MUCH FUN!!!!!! Paul & I had gone 2 years ago so we got to experience it as a couple but seeing it through Ava's eyes was even better! She couldn't wait to meet Mickey. We had to hold her back until her turn so she didn't get in someone else's picture! She still talks about seeing Mickey & "Mickey's" castle, (sorry Cinderella!) We drove & she did awesome in the car. She has even asked to go back, "We go see Mickey again?" Maybe next year!
When you're free falling...
5 months ago